My husband and I will be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary very soon! It’s been 5 years already?! well, not yet… but it will be next month! Most times it feels like there is no movement to time, but boy does it zoom by fast without notice.
So, I’ve been thinking about how we are going to celebrate our first milestone… I’ve found a few things, places and events we may be interested in. But I can’t write it all up just yet. My husband is my #1 blog fan and follower, he will read all my plans on here. Along this thinking process I’ve discovered a few things I needed to improve to enjoy our anniversary festivity.
My attitude about our anniversary has changed dramatically. My selfish mind used to only include “I” in our anniversary. It was my husband’s duty to plan our anniversary and buy me gifts and all I had to do was turn up and be entertained. Accompanied by that expectation followed annoyance and slight disappointment. Another stuffed animal (now added to my daughter’s toy box collection) and a box of chocolates… which the giver himself along with his little minions would gobble up the moment it’s unwrapped.
Now, you’re thinking three things:
- “Well! At least you got something!” or
- “what a spoiled, ungrateful wife” or
- “Surely he could do better!”
You’re not the only one thinking it, I am too. My annoyance and disappointment was all self inflicted.
1. Husband is a professional mind reader: He has the ability to discern my thoughts without the means of any verbal communication. He knows exactly what I want for my anniversary. He knows exactly what I‘m thinking. False! This kind of thinking can cause anniversary chaos. For real. Remember the saying “men are from Mars, women are from Venus”? Well, it’s true. He knows I’m simple, chilled out and very easy going. But being simple, chilled out and easy going are defined very differently in the minds of a husband and wife. So, in saying that, he has NO IDEA what kind of gift I want for my anniversary.
So, how do we get our husbands to buy us gifts without having to tell them?
Give him little hints, “gosh, that red dress at Trenery was beautiful” or if you’re out and about, make a quick pit stop at your favourite store and continuously say “oh, I love this store, I love these shoes, mmm… smell this delightful perfume…”. Hopefully his mind is ticking and storing files every time you say “love”.
Now, there are husbands who JUST DON’T GET IT. My husband falls head first into this category. Hints are not enough, a red dress could range from a red poncho to a red legging. We have to tell them exactly what we want, spell it out if you have to.
2. Husband forgotten!: I am so guilty of this I can’t even lie to save myself, I sometimes forget about my husband on our anniversary. Our anniversary has been celebrated in a slant where our day is focused more on myself being a wife, his wife. I’ve always expected my husband to plan our day or surprise me with something nice and pleasant. He has to take me out and make me feel special. My mind made a conscious decision that it was part of his husband duties to take care of our anniversaries.
And you wonder why I’m sometimes annoyed and slightly disappointed. It’s a “Me! Me! Me!” celebration. I almost feel ashamed as I write about my selfish behavior untangle itself from unwarranted demands.
Luckily, there is always room for improvement.
The expectation to celebrate myself being a wife was an unintentional adopted tradition. I was not aware of it until a few weeks ago while I was brainstorming on how to celebrate our milestone. I now know a wedding anniversary includes two people, husband and wife (oops!). Both people are deserving and should be celebrated. Gosh, why didn’t anybody tell me this before? It feels good to sit on the other side of the table for a change.
3. Husband must plan: As mentioned above, I would always rely on my husband to plan our anniversary. However past experiences (my annoyance and disappointment) has indicated this as foolish practice on my behalf. My husband is not only from Mars, but he speaks Martian language too. So I can’t expect him to deliver according to my likes and interests.
It’s quite simple, if you want your anniversary to go the way you want, you plan it! If your husband is from Mars and speaks Martian language, don’t let him plan your anniversary because you will never get exactly what you requested. The antidote to disappointment of any unwanted gifts is to be involved in the planning. It gives you a little more control of a particular result . Plus, we (women) are so good at it.
I’m organizing our anniversary for next month and I’m really enjoying it. My husband was a little amazed when I told him he was relieved of his anniversary duties. I heard it’s more rewarding to be on the giving side than the receiving end. Anyway, as much as this article is based on the material things of our anniversary, there are more important things than gifts and making plans. But I’ll talk about that in another blog post!
I love celebrating our wedding anniversary. Our marriage lives by a principle, “she is a wife first then a mother and he is a husband first then a father”.
If we are okay, our family is okay. If our family is okay, everything is okay.