Being a stay at home mom was frustrating. There were moments of feeling purposeless and almost uncontrolled insanity. Mountains of washing, dirty dishes and meals to be made. Nappies to be changed and little people to be pleased. And lets not forget, the longing to supplement the efforts of the breadwinner, my husband. Questions of doubt would invade my thoughts, “Is this it? Is this my final destination?, surely there is more?” I literally lived the words “stay at home mom”. I stayed home. It was almost depressing.
Through my first two years of motherhood, I’ve been able to unfold and understand these feelings of frustration. Being mommy was not the cause of frustration. Being in the home neither was the cause of frustration. But occupying my mind with expectations and wishful thinking was an absolute frustration. My expectations involved a perfect mother who can juggle children, time, chores, hobbies and more all at once. My wishful thinking included plenty of capital and overflowing opportunities. Yea right… Luckily, the other side of my brain speaks common sense.
My mind would drift into jammed thoughts of “What if” and “I wish”. Such thoughts would initiate moments of confusion and uncertainty of my decision to be in the home. Suddenly, being a mother in the home is not enough. The vision of my call, mother, is then compromised. But not for very long… slowly but surely this darkness is pushed out as I remember “why?”.
why did I choose to be a mother?
I decided I wanted to be a mother from a young age, I was sure of that role as a primary kid. I decided I wanted to be a stay at home mom when I was a young woman. I can clearly remember expressing this desire to my friends in High School. I also decided as a young woman I wanted to be an effective mother, so I nurtured my spiritual, physical and mental growth. It included strengthening my faith and believing in God, regular exercise (whoops! slowed down on that) and attaining an education. I attended University knowing I may not engage in any future employment right away. I was determined to be a mother because I wanted to be happy.
I had one friend ask me “what’s the purpose of attending university if you’re planning on being a stay at home mom?” Did she really just ask me that question? was my initial thought. I didn’t hold her responsible for her thinking. However, I did perceive her question as a representation of the world, how society viewed mother. Society is swamped with messages about womanhood and motherhood that are dangerously wrong. “Mother” is defined to limited activities and chores within the home, restricted to dealing with only children, leaving no space for growth and success.
Are you kidding me? I’ve never felt so much freedom! there is no tie to a boss, a supervisor, stockholders or the world. There is no pressure, no time frame and no commitments to how things should be done in my home. This freedom I am grateful for. Instead of the world placing restrictions on my family and I, being in the home allows me to put restrictions on the world. I dictate to the world what is allowed in my home and around my children.
My hope to assist financially outside of the home was always silenced when I remembered my eternal goal. My husband and I had to consider the cost of leaving the home as carefully as we considered the additional profit we were pursuing. Instead of finding ways to accommodate our temporary wants, we sought ways to accommodate the need of a mother in the home. As long as the necessities were provided, there was no need for me to leave the home.
I know there are mom’s out there who are the breadwinners in the family, who has to divide their time between home, family and work. I respect and applaud your strength and dedication to your family. I also know every mom is unique with a unique situation. This is mine. We do whatever is best for our family and if our priorities are listed right, everything will be okay.
As for the mountainous laundry, stacked dirty dishes and other house duties… It’s okay to let things go a little here and there. When things get too overwhelming, I would stack my dirty laundry to one corner and throw a table cloth over the dirty dishes and pretend it’s not there. I secretly hope for a magical group of mice to rush in singing “Cinderelly, Cinderelly” as they wash my dishes, mop my floors and dust my pantry. Oh wait, my husband does all of that! He’s my magical mice.
So… if you ever get caught in the dark. Push it out. If you’re confined to feeling hopeless or useless in your role as a mother, free yourself. And if frustration starts to overcloud your judgments, remove it. Remember why you chose to be a mother in the first place. Our contribution to society are the lovely angels we teach and nurture in our home. How else do we get good people in the world?
I love being a stay at home mom.
My role as a mother is only the beginning. It is the gateway to what I ultimately want to achieve, an eternal family.
Be clear with your goals as a mommy, position yourself, aim and toil endlessly to your target.